I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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