It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
