I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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