Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
