I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
