Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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