Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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