Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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