New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
