Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment