omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk