It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.