Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
