I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
