Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
