im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
