Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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