using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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