you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
