note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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