someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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