Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
