no, he came in my armpit
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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