Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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