I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
