ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
