If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize