the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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