i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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