getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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