her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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