I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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