no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
