I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I smell like Dick and happiness
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