They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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