I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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