If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Are we still banned from the library?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
