Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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