she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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