We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
