i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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