Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
