You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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