It's Friday. Sex?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
