So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
