If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
