Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
