your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
