Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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