just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
