in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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