But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
