rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
