saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The uberlube is also flammable
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
