seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
