I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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