it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You are a genius and a whore.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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