not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
