Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
