It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
