whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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